I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
