I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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