Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
