So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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