About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
