Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
