Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
this just has baby written all over it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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