We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think your dad took our porno
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
