I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
