i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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