my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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