I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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