No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
