How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am available for nakedness
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
