I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
