He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
