I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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