Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
