Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize