Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
