Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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