i already hear my dad disowning me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
