If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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