Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I could fuck to npr.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
