yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
