I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
