i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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