also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
