Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
