so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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