My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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