roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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