two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
