Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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