We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
