..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
