The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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