im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
