And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A+ Viking dick
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
