I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
