Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
