That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize