I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
