Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize