Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
