Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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