I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
