We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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