Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We left an ass print on the piano.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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