I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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