Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
