hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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