wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize