i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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