she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
