I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We are two peas in an std pod
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My feet surprised me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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