Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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