I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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