WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
