I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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