My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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