She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
