Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My balls are so social today.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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