i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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