where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
