Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
