It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
