Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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