Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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