a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
