hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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