One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
