I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
