Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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