Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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