I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
