last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
