How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
