you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
