hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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