went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
