They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
