Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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