I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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